


On Matchmaking

by mollyroll



Category: Offline TV - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, College, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't copy to another site, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, POV Outsider, Past Abuse Mentions, Sykkuno Protection Squad 2020, Toastkkuno mentions, no beta we die like the impostors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollyroll/pseuds/mollyroll
Summary: Lily had been elated when she gave it to Rae. A copy of her garage band’s official first single, the one they had submitted to a contest held by KIIS FM.Rae almost spit out her matcha when she head the lyrics.Choke me like you hate me.She had seen those words before, on a certain someone’s soulmate tattoo.
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 311
Kudos: 1845
Collections: Server Simps





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly little fic to keep distracted, anxiety is killing me :(  
> This has a very loose outline so I'll let you guys choose what's coming! I'll leave two comments after each chapter, each with an idea  
> After a couple days-ish I'll check back and write the one that has most replies  
> If you have an idea that fits with the plot please leave it, others can reply to your comment to vote for your idea and if it wins I'll write it/tweak it a little to make it fit <3
> 
> edit: omfg you guys really want option 1  
> let's do that then! check back tomorrow for an update and more options <3

It was not something she was meant to know, Rae was well aware of that. But the fact that she  _ did _ ate away at her sanity. It wasn’t like she had meant to look for it in the first place, it had been literally an accident! She glared at the CD on the table like it had personally insulted her, half tempted to chuck it out of the window and forget about it. It was all Lily’s fault, she decided. If she had never given her  _ that thing _ , then she wouldn’t be having an existential crisis right now.

_ The item _ was an otherwise inoffensive plain silver CD-R, stored safely in a flimsy plastic case. Michael’s messy scrawl had written NUT all over, next to a crudely drawn penis. Lily had been elated when she gave it to Rae. It was a copy of her garage band’s official first single, the one they had submitted to a contest held by KIIS FM. Without the nuts and the penis, Rae hoped. Michael and Lily had invited a guest artist for the recording and it was definitely a good decision. The lead singer’s deep, raspy voice was almost hypnotic. Objectively, it was a good, catchy song. It wasn’t the type of music Rae usually listened to… or the type of music Lily and Michael usually played, but those weren’t the problem. The problem were the lyrics.

_ Choke me like you hate me. _

She had  _ choked _ on her matcha so bad she almost spit it all over her keyboard. Her eyes filled with tears from the pain, willing her throat to stop spasming. Once she was finally able to get much needed air back into her airways she grabbed her phone and furiously texted Lily a long string of question marks.

She had seen those words before, on a certain someone’s soulmate tattoo.

They had met the very first week of college, at a house party. Sykkuno was her highschool bestie Toast’s roommate, so naturally he was morally obligated to hang out with them. He had been pretty shy at first, sitting snug between Rae and Toast on a stranger’s couch. but after a couple shots of vodka he loosened up. And after a couple more shots he was thoroughly intoxicated, dragging her and Toast by the hand into an open space to try dancing. Toast was smashed too, clinging to his roommate to avoid falling... which proved to be a futile effort as they both came tumbling down in a tangle of limbs. 

Sykkuno cried out, pushing Toast off him. He rolled over with a groan but seemed mostly unhurt. Sykkuno had broken his fall so he had no grounds to complain. Rae was certainly not sober enough to deal with them, especially not when Sykkuno lifted his limp right hand to her eyes.

“It hurts!” His lower lip wobbled in worry. Sad brown eyes looked into hers. “Is it broken?”

Rae really had no fucking idea. She hesitantly took his wrist in her hand and tried examining it as gently as she could, at least to reassure him. It was probably a sprain, it didn’t  _ look  _ broken but it was hard to tell...

Sykkuno, like most people who had one, wore a wristband to conceal his soulmark. It was normally considered polite to not touch them, but she wanted to take it off and see if it was bruised or something. He reluctantly agreed, snapping the buttons open in a well practiced gesture. There was no bruising, and when she touched the bone itself Sykkuno didn’t squirm. Rae was curious by nature. And Sykkuno’s soulmark was very noticeable, and very interesting. Printed in blocky letters right across his wrist read  _ CHOKE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME _ .

“Ooh  _ kinky _ .” she barely stifled a laugh, biting down on her lip when Sykkuno trained betrayed looking eyes onto hers. “I- I mean… I’m sorry. Your wrist is okay, probably just a sprain.”

He nodded, pulling his hand back and hastily snapping the cover closed around his wrist. They fell into an awkward silence, broken only by Toast’s snores.  _ Lucky bastard _ , Rae glared at him. He had already fallen asleep, head cushioned on Sykkuno’s thigh, blissfully unaware of Rae’s suffering. 

Sykkuno was holding his wrist with the other, idly rubbing at it. His eyes looked sad.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rae felt bad for laughing. 

“It’s okay…” Sykkuno shrugged. “I’m used to the teasing…”

Rae’s heart sunk. She had really put her foot in her mouth, hadn't she? She tried apologizing again and Sykkuno brushed it off with a smile, saying she shouldn’t worry. It made her blood boil though, thinking about those assholes that made fun of someone as precious as her new friend.

“Whoever’s your soulmate is really lucky.” She affectionately ruffled his hair and the faintest of smiles broke across his face.

It sat weird with her, though. Soulmate tattoos were usually the first thing they'd hear their soulmate say... having tattoos that read _Hello_ or _Nice_ _to meet you_ were the norm, and anything other than that was considered interesting but... who, in their right mind, would ask a stranger to choke them? She hoped Sykkuno's soulmate wasn’t some kind of creep or pervert.

The next day, she had woken to a killer headache. Her phone was buzzing like crazy. Sykkuno had left her a string of texts, asking if she remembered finding his wrist cover. He had definitely worn it last night to the party, and now couldn’t find it anywhere. She could read between the lines. He was probably scared, and wanted to know if she had seen his bare wrist. Rae took a moment to think. She could be truthful and tell him she knew... and possibly give him anxiety about it cause it was evidently a sore subject… Or she could pretend it never happened. 

Without a second thought, she told him he had probably misplaced it somewhere in his room. The wrist cover hadn't left his wrist at all, no sir. 

Which is why now, four years later, she was fucked. She was very, very, very fucking fucked. Sykkuno was probably her closest friend, and she desperately wanted to hide that little teeny tiny white lie from him for as long as she could. Knowing she had broken his trust like that would really hurt him. But at the same time, she was so so so very excited. More than anything she wanted him to tell him all about the mystery singer who had said his _ words _ . Sykkuno would be so happy, and she just couldn't wait.

She grabbed her phone again and opened her chat with Lily. She hadn’t seen her message yet, so she just unsent it. She didn’t need to know the extent of Rae’s panic. Instead, she asked her to come over asap.

“Let’s say I have a friend… who has a friend… who knows my friend’s  _ words _ . But they don’t know they know. And they  _ can’t _ know they know. And my friend recently heard someone say those  _ words _ and-” Rae cut herself off when she noticed Lily’s eyes had glossed over in confusion. She took one of the pillows off her bed and screamed into it. 

“Uh… so your friend… knows your friend’s friend’s soulmate?” Lily paused for a second, then her eyes lit up with a devilish mirth that had Rae panicking again. “Whose words? Toast’s or Sykkuno’s?”

Rae groaned, she should have seen that coming. Lily was too smart for her own good.

“...Sykkuno’s. You can’t tell him… he would be so disappointed in me!” Rae took Lily by the shoulders and softly shook her to convey emphasis. “It’s a line from the CD you gave me-”

Lily  _ screeched  _ in excitement. “You mean Corpse? Tall dark and handsome Corpse with the deep voice and the… wait… are Sykkuno’s words  _ choke me like you hate me _ ?”

Rae was truly thankful to be alone with Lily because the other girl all but broke into a fit of hysterical giggles.

She quickly explained that  _ yes _ , it was true and  _ no _ , it wasn’t funny because people had made fun of him for it before. And then Lily’s face fell and she felt bad all over again because really, anyone who made fun of Sykkuno was a piece of trash.

“So how do we do this?” There was a glint on Lily’s eyes that promised chaos.

“Uh… I was thinking I could give him the CD you gave me.”

Lily thought for a second, then smiled. “I have a better idea.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support!! Writing this has been very freeing for me, I usually stress so much about fics but this one just ***flows***
> 
> I've taken some of your suggestions too <3 <3 <3
> 
> I'm making a little flowchart for this, depending on your votes this fic could be anywhere from 5-10 chapters  
> Today's choice will affect the next two chapters so choose carefully!  
> Tags will change in the future, rating will stay the same

It had been a normal day for Sykkuno, same old. His lectures had ended relatively early that day, so he could maybe work on that project he’d been putting off for the past couple weeks but… A deep yawn interrupted his train of thought. Honestly he was kinda really tired. A nap sounded pretty nice right now. He could feel his eyelids growing heavy as he slowly made his way up the stairs to the flat he shared with Toast. 

They had been lucky to find accomodation within walking distance of campus, it worked great cause they could crash there between classes. Plus knowing himself and how easy he grew drowsy on public transport… if he had had to use the bus to get back home in such a state he would definitely miss several stops. So overall this was the best for everyone. Toast liked waking up late and still getting to class on time, and Sykkuno liked not feeling anxious about waking up in an unfamiliar part of town.

When he got to the door he found it unlocked, but he didn’t really pay it any mind. Still sleepy, he dragged himself through the apartment looking for his roommate.

“Toast? I’m home!” He called out but received no answer.

Strange, it was unlike Toast to leave the door unlocked… maybe he had been in a rush? Or maybe… maybe he was in his room  _ busy _ with  _ someone _ and had just forgotten to close the door after himself. Was he even dating anyone? Sykkuno definitely didn’t want the mental image of Toast and some random person doing anything, especially considering…

He felt his cheeks flush a little, remembering the embarrassing baby crush he had had on his friend some years ago.  _ Little more than a crush _ , a small voice at the back of his head reminded him.  _ He actually kissed you back that one time _ . He shook his head to stop that train of thought right there and then.  _ It had been a dare so it didn’t count. If Lily hadn’t been goading him all night he would have never...  _

In any case, Toast’s door was closed and he could hear no suspicious sounds so he just made a beeline to his own room.

He didn’t stop to wonder why the door was ajar because as soon as he pushed it open there was Rae sitting on his bed a huge shit eating grin stretched wide across her face, piles of his clothing strewn all around her and the floor.

Her enthusiastic greeting of “Hey Sykkuno!” went unheard as his heart all but jumped out of his chest. He clung to the door, now decidedly awake, trying to catch his breathing. Rae was still talking, but her words didn’t register. All he could hear was his own heartbeat thrumming on his ear drums.

Then she was dragging him by the arm to his own bed, helping him sit and patting his back.

“Heey, hey are you okay? Sorry if I scared you!” She didn’t look sorry at all, not one bit. She was still smiling like the cat that got the cream and Sykkuno was very very afraid.

“H-hey Rae… what are you doing here?”

She smiled impossibly wider. “Oh Sykkuno… my dearest friend Sykkuno-” 

“I thought your best friend was Toast-” he talked in a small voice and got immediately hushed by Rae.

“My BESTEST friend Sykkuno, what brings you here?”

“I live here-”

“Irregardless! I thought your classes ended at 4?”

Sykkuno just blinked at her, trying to process everything that was happening.

“Anyway,” Rae continued, grabbing the front of his sweatshirt by the handfuls. “Our dearest, most precious friend Lily needs your help, are you gonna abandon her in her hour of need?”

“No but-”

“Are you gonna toss her away like a dirty, soiled cleaning rag after it has finished polishing your most beloved trophy only to find that she has no use anymore?”

“I-” Sykkuno started, then paused for a second. “I don’t understand.”

“Great!” Rae let him go, all but excitedly bouncing on his bed. “I took the liberty to pick an outfit for you! For the band rehearsal...yeah…haha” 

“Band rehearsal?”

“For her band?” Rae lifted an eyebrow at him and Sykkuno looked away. “You do know she has a band right? And bands rehearse? They have a gig coming up!”

Sykkuno nodded hesitantly. “Yes, Michael told me, he actually-”

“That’s great! Michael is such a great friend! Then you should definitely come with us to their rehearsal, because you’re our great friend, and Lily REALLY wants you to listen to their music!” 

There was something almost manic in Rae’s eyes that made Sykkuno just nod his head and pretend to be interested in the outfit she had picked for him. He loved Rae as a sister but she could be really scary sometimes, even if she always meant well. Even while getting dressed with the door closed he could hear her still babbling about bands and music and him being able to play the bass, so of course he would have good feedback for Lily so he should definitely go with them and help because he was a friend and that’s what friends did.

When Rae had seen Sykkuno at the door an hour earlier than expected, she had panicked so bad. She was meant to distract him while Michael and Corpse arrived at Lily’s. They had to time it just right, so she and Sykkuno could arrive late and if fate would have it, just on time for him to hear his words. 

She definitely hadn’t meant for Sykkuno to almost pass out from shock, though on second thought she should probably have been kinder to her poor friend’s nerves. Should have texted him or something... Still, she definitely counted it as a win that Sykkuno had agreed so fast to their plans, even if she felt the tiniest bit bad for kinda maybe kinda sorta strong arming him into it. She would buy him something from Starbucks on their way to Lily’s.  _ Maybe some green tea to calm his nerves. Yes, that sounded like a plan. _

She almost squealed in excitement when Sykkuno opened the door to his room, he looked absolutely adorable.  _ Corpse better treat him right _ , she thought fondly as she smoothed down his knit cream sweater. She didn’t know him, but if he was meant to be Sykkuno’s soulmate then he better take good care of him or he would live to regret it.

Rae was glaring at her phone so intensely she thought she might pop a vein in her eye. It had been an hour since they arrived at Starbucks, forty five minutes since they were meant to be at Lily’s, and Corpse was still nowhere to be found. Lily had all but blown up his phone about the reschedule but he hadn’t answered any of her texts or calls. Sure, it wasn’t really his fault, the whole thing had been very last minute… But Sykkuno was looking at her expectantly and she had already run out of excuses half an hour ago! The last text she had from Lily flashed on her screen, confessing that  _ it’s like herding cats _ and _ just come already, we’ll figure something out!!!! _

“Can I get you anything else? Maybe coffee?” She asked him, a hint of desperation creeping into her voice. She needed to stretch this as long as she possibly could-

“Is Lily busy?” Sykkuno smiled a strained smile, hands idly toying with the rim of his long-empty cup. “It’s okay, don’t worry! I can go see them another time... There’s this paper I have to write and-”

“NO!” Rae stood up so fast she almost knocked back the stool she had been perched on. She could feel other people’s stares on her but it was too late to back out now. “I-I mean… Uh… Lily said she just got home! Let’s go, Sykkuno!”

She didn’t wait to hear his faint  _ okay _ before taking a hold of his arm and all but dragging him along.

Rae couldn’t believe her bad luck. When they finally arrived at Lily’s there was someone already standing on their porch, waiting at the doorbell. She tried pulling on Sykkuno’s arm to get him to stall a little longer, but then Lily opened the door and let the stranger in and…

“Oh! Hi Rae, Sykkuno!” Lily motioned over to them, and the stranger turned around.

He was taller than Lily (though it wasn’t an accomplishment by any means to be taller than Lily), had curly black hair and two chains dangling from his neck and… fuck.

“This is Corpse,” Lily was entirely too happy for someone who was currently destroying all of Rae’s hopes and dreams. Corpse nodded at them from his spot right next to the door. If Rae had been paying any attention she would have noticed Sykkuno’s slight flinch.

“That’s Rae and Sykkuno,” Lily continued and Rae wanted the Earth to swallow her whole. Instead, she slowly moved forward and up the steps, like a prisoner walking towards the gallows. Possibility of Corpse asking Sykkuno to choke him right then and there? Fuck fuck fuck 0/10 he would never ask, Syk would never know-

“Hi Mr. Corpse!” Sykkuno offered a shaky smile that he immediately hid behind his free hand. “I’m... Sykkuno…”

If Rae had been paying attention she would have noticed the slight widening of Corpse’s eyes.

“Hi… Sykkuno…”

What. The. Fuck.

The boys had gone inside to talk to Michael about whatever. Rae didn’t notice how Corpse lingered at the door, holding it open for Sykkuno, then followed him inside. She had leaned against a wooden beam, slowly sliding down until she was sitting on the steps of the porch. Wordlessly, Lily sat down across from her, shoulders slumped and knees held close to her chest.

“Did we get it wrong? I thought…” Rae sighed, rubbing hard at her temples.

“I… I really don’t know… I was hoping...” Lily sighed, looking like someone had just broken her piano. “Even if they’re not soulmates… maybe it could work?”

Rae turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised.

“I mean… Michael and I aren’t soulmates. But we don’t have to be, it’s okay… Corpse is a really nice person and…” Lily glanced over at the boys. They looked comfortable, Michael sat on a bean bag chair, strumming a new tune on his guitar while Corpse sang. He was sitting on the couch right next to Sykkuno. Then Corpse playfully bumped his shoulder into Sykkuno’s and he bumped back. Lily smiled. “I’ve never seen either of them warm up so fast to anyone… so maybe…”

Maybe it could work?

In the end, they did little actual rehearsing. They didn’t even get around to playing  _ the _ song that night. Instead, they spent a couple hours playing random music medleys and just having fun. Even Sykkuno, as shy as he could be when meeting people for the first time, seemed to be enjoying himself. He wouldn’t meet Corpse’s eyes, but he looked happy. And if he was happy, then Rae was happy. Even if Corpse wasn’t his soulmate, they had really good chemistry. 

Just before they left, Corpse asked to show them all a little something he was working on. It was a very personal song he had called agoraphobic. He had the track recorded on his phone, so he just sang along with it. The lyrics really tugged at Rae’s heartstrings. She didn’t know him… but she felt for him. And she wasn’t the only one affected. Lily had clutched Michael’s hand tighter and Sykkuno… Sykkuno was rubbing his wrist, deep in thought.

Corpse seemed like a very closed off person, but he was opening up his heart for all of them to see and Rae couldn’t understand why.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys, thank you so much for your amazing suggestions and your support for this story!  
> Just a tiny warning, this chapter hurts a little and next chapter will hurt more
> 
> Today's choice is more about additional content than direction the story will go, I won't spoil it in the notes :)

Three days later, on Friday, Rae found herself at Toast and Sykkuno’s flat again. She had been texting Syk all day and he just ignored her! How dare he, he hadn’t even left her on read… the audacity! Lily had just confirmed with her their gig would be in a couple hours at the Funky Monkey, a small dive bar near their campus. They had agreed on a set list that included covers and would finish with an original. Basically, they were gonna play THE song to a small audience and Sykkuno just had to go listen to them! Plus, it was their band’s first medium gig and many of their mutual friends were going.

Rae was extremely thankful Toast had given her a spare key to their flat. 

“Please please pleaaaaaaaaase come with us!” Rae flung open Sykkuno’s door and he jumped a little on his desk chair. “I know you’ve seen my messages!”

“W-What? Rae!” His laptop was open on an empty MS Word document.

“I’ll take care of you, I promise!” Rae crossed the room in two steps to throw her arms around him. “I won’t let you drink too much if that’s what you’re worried about!”

“Drink? What? Me? What are you talking about?”

“Remember Lily mentioned they have a gig? It’s gonna be tonight at the Funky Monkey!” She leaned a little closer, voice all but dripping with honey. “Corpse will be there~”

Rae relished in the slight flush that crossed his cheeks.

“I know… he posted about it on insta.”

What

“What.”

“Corpse posted about the gig at the Funky Monkey-” Sykkuno had no right to look that innocent when he had just destroyed Rae’s sanity.

“Nonononono w-what wait… since when do you follow Corpse on insta??” To say that Rae was having a meltdown would be an understatement. She could feel her soul leaving her body. Whatever had she done to offend some deity, that she should be punished in this way-

“When I got home, after their rehearsal?” Sykkuno paused for a second, wriggling a little in her arms. “He’s friends with my friends… and he’s pretty cool so....”

She was at a loss for words. Luckily for her, Sykkuno kept talking.

“But I can’t go… my paper is due Monday… Hope you have fun though.” He was doing that thing where he tried keeping a cheery tone but his voice was sad and it made Rae’s heart clench a little. Her meltdown could wait, she would do anything to keep him happy.

“Syk I’ll help you.” She stood straight, placing her hands on his shoulders for emphasis. “I’ll keep you company while you work on it over the weekend. I’ll make sure you finish it in time! I promise…” She was aware she was laying it on thick, but she was so over Sykkuno doubting himself. He was more than capable of finishing it in two days.

He still seemed doubtful, so Rae did her best puppy dog eyes until he sighed and hung his head. “Okay, okay… I’ll go.”

They waited until Toast got back from work to head towards the Funky Monkey. Rae insisted she pick Sykkuno’s outfit again, getting a soft baby blue sweater and a pair of white joggers for him. She caught Toast giving him an appreciative once over so she knew she had done a good job. 

They arrived early and went to help Michael and Lily set up their equipment. They were all very familiar with the Funky Monkey, having got drunk there several times throughout their college years. There wasn’t a proper stage set-up so they helped rearrange the tables to make space. 

Lily had laid claim to the only corner sofa in the bar, right across from the makeshift stage. It was a bit of a squeeze, but it was big enough to fit all their friends. And the center table was small enough that it was easy to move around comfortably. The rest of the bar could get packed, but they’d have at least this space to move around freely.

Toast bought the first round for everyone, Rae bought the second. Bar patrons and their friends slowly trickled in as they drank.

Rae didn’t notice when Corpse finally arrived. 

She had been too busy vaguely venting her frustrations to Leslie and Peter, when her roommate Poki tapped her shoulder.

“What’s up with those two?” She looked torn between curiosity and worry. Rae turned to where Poki was looking and… oh.

Rae had seen Toast talking to Sykkuno earlier but now he was nowhere to be found. And maybe it was for the better, as Corpse was all but monopolizing Sykkuno’s attention. He had taken Sykkuno on a mini tour of the stage. Not that it was needed, as Sykkuno had helped set it up, but he seemed to be enjoying himself anyway. She couldn’t hear what Corpse was saying, but judging from his body language it was pretty obvious he was flirting hard. His face looked soft, his smile looked relaxed, and one of his hands lingered on Sykkuno’s forearm as he showed him around. Sykkuno wasn’t even hiding his smile anymore, the arm that hadn’t been claimed by Corpse was holding the wine glass he had given him.

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Rae shook her head, averting her gaze. “Let’s just leave them be.”

At 10pm sharp the lights dimmed. Lily got on the mic, Corpse sat at the drums, and Michael slung on his guitar.

As Lily said, they mostly did covers. 

Rae sat next to Sykkuno, as she usually did. He was still nursing the Corpse’s wine glass, occasionally taking sips. When Scarra reached over Peter and her and offered to refill it, he accepted. It would never stop being funny to Rae, how everyone always offered to buy Sykkuno alcohol, and would bend over backwards to make sure he was happy and comfortable. He just had that effect on people, making them protective of him…

Next to Rae, Peter was talking to Scarra about whatever, and Leslie huddled into Edison’s side. On the other arm of the corner couch, Poki, Wendy, Yvonne, Jodi and John were all playing some drinking game. Poki was losing, badly. Rae lifted an eyebrow at her and she shrugged, downing what had to be her third shot of vodka in ten minutes.

Rae laid her head on Sykkuno’s shoulder, and he curled closer to her, gaze still glued to the stage. It might have been the lighting, but she could have sworn his eyes were sparkling.

When Toast returned he sat on Sykkuno’s other side, making them all scoot a little to give him space. He reeked of cigarette smoke. He hadn’t smoked in years, and for him to smell this heavily of smoke… it worried her. Rae didn’t like how his arm moved to rest on the back of the couch, almost around Sykkuno’s shoulders. They would sometimes cuddle when drunk... Sykkuno was a loving, sweet drunk and drunk Toast usually accepted his affection, but this felt weird. It wasn’t like Toast had been drinking as much as any of them. She looked over at the stage and frowned. Corpse’s eyes were trained on them, it might just have been the lighting but he looked pissed.

Mr. Brightside came on and Rae whipped up her phone and opened her convo with Lily. If her memory served her correctly, then _e-girls_ should come right after this. It would be the final song from their set list. She unconsciously took hold of Sykkuno’s hand, only realizing when he gave her a quizzical stare.

“Are you okay, Rae?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing…” From the look in Sykkuno’s eyes, he wasn’t totally convinced, but he chose to drop it anyway.

She grabbed the wine bottle from the center table and took a swig straight from it, not bothering to find her own glass among the myriad of glasses all around them. Then the first chords started and Rae felt her heart stop. She wasn’t sober enough for this. Corpse’s voice interrupted her train of thought and she turned to look at Sykkuno so fast it gave her whiplash.

But Sykkuno… he wasn’t reacting. His face looked like he was watching paint dry, and it was unsettling. She had never seen him with such a blank expression. 

Then the song was over, the band thanked everyone for being there, the bar patrons clapped, and the sinking realization dawned over Rae that something was very, very wrong. Sykkuno wordlessly grabbed the wine from her and refilled his glass. He looked… okay? It didn’t seem like he was having an existential crisis. The fuck… Rae was very, very confused.

“Corpse wrote that song.” She poked him, desperate for a reaction. “That’s what Lily told me.”

“Oh… I see.” Sykkuno was looking straight at his feet. 

Did she get everything wrong? Had she misread the letters on his wrist that night so many years ago? Had she been drunker than she originally thought, and had imagined the whole thing? Rae wanted to pull out her hair in frustration. She remembered Sykkuno messaging her the next day, frantically asking about his wrist cover. Was she gaslighting herself? It was too long ago now to scroll back on their convo. Had she imagined the whole thing? It had been an absolute truth in her mind for years. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and Sykkuno’s soulmate wanted him to choke them.

She took the wine bottle back from Sykkuno. Alcohol might have been the reason behind the whole problem, but she would be damned if she didn’t need to be drunk right this second.

Corpse helped Michael and Lily take the equipment to the back, then he walked right up to them, sitting in the tiny space between Toast and Sykkuno. He politely nodded at the people he hadn’t met, but his attention was elsewhere. 

"Wine?" Rae reached over to hand Corpse the half empty bottle they had been sharing. He immediately grabbed it and took a swig straight from it.

Their friends were showering him with attention and Corpse looked very uncomfortable, giving polite but non-committal answers to their questions. The most sober ones quickly took the hint and gave him space, instead turning to Lily or Michael. Not everyone realized they were crowding him, too focused on making the new friend feel accepted. And Toast… Toast was glaring daggers at him. 

Rae’s head was spinning. Sykkuno’s hands held onto his empty glass between his thighs, legs crossed at the ankles, and he was purposefully not making eye contact with anyone. Rae knew that pose, he was trying to make himself small and hopefully not be noticed. She had to get him out of there. He hadn’t drank much, but he looked like he was going to be sick. 

Then Poki, bless her heart, delivered the final shot.

"So Sykkuno... you and Corpse huh?" Wendy reached over to physically hush her but Poki ducked behind John. "Is he your soulmate? That's so cute! You look so good together."

The atmosphere was tense, but Rae couldn’t really be mad at her… Poki meant well, she was just drunk and… It had all been Rae’s fault anyway, for insisting they push Sykkuno so far out of his comfort zone and-

"Heh...Poki, you're funny." Sykkuno's voice sounded measured, but he was gripping his wine glass so hard his knuckles had turned white. "Corpse is not my soulmate, right Corpse?” He briefly glanced over at the other man who had frozen mid swig, wine bottle held at his lips. “I mean… he couldn't possibly be!"

Everyone went silent. 

Next to Sykkuno, Corpse dropped the bottle, spilling wine all over himself and the couch. 

"I…" he looked around, then shot up to his feet. "Excuse me."

He quickly disappeared from view, blending in with the throng of people exiting the bar.

Rae wanted to follow him so bad. The poor man looked shattered. But then she felt Sykkuno trembling against her. His glass lay discarded on the empty seat beside him. His fists were balled up against his knees. 

Lily shot up from her chair and hurried after Corpse.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW bullying, physical abuse, anxiety  
> Ctrl+f “one afternoon” if you’d like to skip
> 
> Thank you all for your support and your suggestions! I've borrowed a bit from you guys <3 <3 <3
> 
> This isn't a happy chapter, but good things are coming I promise!  
> Depending on what you choose next it might come slower though so choose carefully

When did everything go wrong? 

Was it when his soul mark appeared at 4 years old? He remembered feeling excited, thinking he would get a fairytale romance with his soulmate, as the stories always went. He couldn't understand what it said, but it didn’t matter. He was just so happy… until his mother saw it. And instead of celebrating, she winced and insisted he keep it hidden. 

Or was it when he learned how to read and very clumsily told all his schoolmates what his mark said, only to be told by the teacher that it wasn’t appropriate? He had worn a wrist cover from the very first day his soulmate was born and his mark appeared. At the start he tried to share with his friends, soulmates were supposed to be a cause for joy… something people were proud about. But he quickly learned his particular mark should bring shame. When he finally was able to understand the meaning of his words he cried, thinking his soulmate hated him. 

Was it when a school bully cornered him in the restroom, tore the wrist cover off him, and gained more ammunition to harass him? Was it any of the multiple times people teased him about it, for no reason other than to be vile? All throughout middle school and high school he went through hell. He was used to the jeers and the laughter, he could hide those even if they stung. He couldn’t hide the bruises. A small part of him grew to resent fate and his hypothetical soulmate, blaming them for other people’s cruelty. He wished his mark could be normal like others’, not the inscription he had been cursed with.

Or was it when he fell in love with a friend who lacked a soulmate tattoo, but was never able to confess because he felt he was betraying someone he had never met? 

Sykkuno hadn’t asked for this.

Even after so much heartache, he truly wished his soulmate was healthy and happy, and that life had treated them more kindly than it had treated him.

Sykkuno curled deeper into a ball, barely registering Rae’s hands brushing through his hair. He vaguely remembered stumbling out of the Funky Monkey, Rae and Toast in tow. He hadn’t drunk that much, yet his head was spinning and his chest ached and his legs felt like jelly… Toast first tried to keep him steady, holding him close to his body. But then Sykkuno’s vision began tunneling and his knees buckled under his weight. Toast ended up having to fireman carry him all the way home. Rae hurried behind Toast, reminding Sykkuno to take in slow, deep breaths. 

_I couldn’t find him. I think he’s gone home._ Lily’s voice still rang in his head. She and Michael knew where Corpse lived and were gonna go check on him, just in case. This was all Sykkuno’s fault, he had ruined the night for everyone. He was the reason Corpse had left- had abandoned him… It wasn’t fair how much it hurt. Corpse wasn’t his soulmate, he couldn’t possibly be. Even if he had heard him say his words with his own two ears. 

Toast wanted to take him to the hospital but he insisted he was okay, that it was nothing, and he was sorry for being a bother. Rae seemed torn between wanting to make sure he really was okay and respecting his wishes, in the end though she relented. She would stay the night with him and if anything happened she would wake up Toast. Begrudgingly agreeing, Toast retired for the night. Once in Sykkuno’s room, Rae helped him change into comfier clothes, tucked him into a blanket burrito, and laid down next to him. 

When she softly asked if he wanted to talk, he just buried deeper into the blankets. Sykkuno felt selfish. Rae was twisted into what had to be a very uncomfortable position, she was definitely gonna be sore all over the next day. Rae was doing so much for him, and he couldn’t even open up to her. She was trying so hard to comfort him because he was spoiled and a bad friend. But he needed her there to keep him company. He had felt so much pain and confusion throughout his lifetime but for some reason now it was like his heart had truly broken.

Everything went wrong one afternoon, when he texted Michael to ask how his band was doing.

He had been so excited, telling him how he and Lily had collabed with a guest artist and had written this dope ass song and he just had to listen to it. How could Sykkuno ever say no to that? Michael then sent him a file over whatsapp, labelled _e-girls_. 

Toast had found him much later still sitting on their couch, knees to his chest and hands covering his face. His phone’s screen had gained a new crack from where he had thrown it against the wall. He sat next to him, gently patted his shoulder, and received a lapful of Sykkuno for his trouble. He wasn’t proud of the way he all but threw himself against Toast, clutching onto him like a lifeline, messing up his shirt with tears. But if Toast was ever disgusted by it, he never said anything. He wrapped his arms around the other as he sobbed, letting himself be held for as long as he needed.

Sykkuno let him go when he felt he had no more tears left to cry. Toast didn't ask, but he felt he owed him an explanation. It wasn’t something easy to talk about, he hadn’t willingly shown anyone his tattoo in well over a decade… Toast said it was okay, he understood. Despite not having one, he was more than aware how intimate showing another one's soulmark was considered. 

He didn’t need to see it, but Sykkuno took off his wrist cover anyway. He still felt nervous about it, but it was too late to back out now.

“I-I just heard my words…” He started, uncertain, as he gave Toast his wrist. “On a song Michael sent me…”

Toast’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything, waiting for Sykkuno to continue.

“It’s the one they are working on for the radio thing… the one with the guest artist…” He took a deep breath that broke off into a tiny sob. “But he can’t be my soulmate.”

He could feel Toast tense against him.

“Why are you saying that?”

“He can’t be my soulmate…” Sykkuno continued, his voice slow like one would use to explain something to a toddler. Almost like he was trying to convince himself. “because my soulmate could be anyone. If it’s from a song then… then anyone could sing it.”

Toast frowned at him, but Sykkuno knew he was right. It was a good song. It would surely win the contest, and then it would be on the radio. And from then on, anyone who ever sang it around him was a possible candidate. As long as it was the first time he heard their voice, it was a possibility. And maybe that was for the best, Sykkuno wasn’t sure if he even wanted a soulmate in the first place. He knew it was irrational, but he still felt his soulmate had abandoned him in his time of need, leaving him with a string of words he didn’t want. He probably didn’t even deserve a soulmate, given how unkindly he had thought of them for so long, and how ashamed he felt of his mark. Who would ever want someone like him for a soulmate?

When he finally met the mysterious guest artist in Michael’s song, his idea only strengthened. He seemed nice, warm, genuine... He didn’t seem like the sort who would knowingly hurt anyone. Sykkuno barely knew him, true, but Corpse went so far against the idea of a soulmate he had in his head that… he just couldn’t believe it. Corpse wasn’t his soulmate, he couldn’t be. He was too good… and it wasn’t like Sykkuno deserved nice things anyway… He didn’t deserve his friends and he definitely did not deserve someone like Corpse for his soulmate. 

Even if deep down he wished it could be true. Even if he had never in his life yearned so much for someone who was basically a stranger.

He didn’t want to be a stranger to Corpse. He wanted to at least be friends, even if the whole soulmate thing had left a very bitter taste in his mouth. So as soon as he got back home he added him to instagram and went through all his pictures. And then almost had a heart attack when Corpse added him back.

For days all he could think about was the kind, gentle boy with his messy hair and his smudged eyeliner and his chains and metal rings and beaded bracelets and flawless fashion sense and his huge, huge heart. He texted him a couple times and received almost immediate replies, always with a smiley face at the end. It made his heart flutter.

Corpse didn’t like thinking about his past. One of the happiest memories he had was when he finally learned how to read. His soulmark had been present from birth, always with him through thick and thin. A happy, friendly _Hi Mr. Corpse!_ that brought him joy and hope whenever his world felt like it would crumble. The light that shone on his fucked up reality. His soulmate had saved his life, pretty much literally. 

He had never truly covered up his soulmark. It was too precious to hide. Instead, he took to wearing beaded bracelets around both wrists, more as a fashion statement than anything else really. The inscription was still easily legible to him, as it should be.

When he began writing music and got tasked to pick a stage name he knew exactly what it would be. Fate acted in mysterious ways, and maybe this was how it had decided that he would meet his person.

When he met _him_ his heart skipped a beat. He knew exactly who _he_ was, before his words even left his mouth. The most adorable being he had ever seen. The one who would be his only. 

Spending time with him felt like a dream. Talking to him, texting him… he wasn’t stupid, he knew Sykkuno felt it too. And it made him so, so happy.

That Friday he had been stopped at the entrance to the Funky Monkey by someone he didn’t recognize. 

“Corpse?” The man had asked, narrowed eyes trained onto his.

He nodded and the other pulled a pack of smokes from his pocket. He didn’t offer one, so Corpse didn’t ask.

“My name is Toast,” he lit it before continuing. “I live with Sykkuno.”

Corpse didn’t like the way that was phrased. His eyebrow twitched, but he didn’t comment on it. “Can I help you?”

“Sykkuno is too good for you.” Toast laughed a bitter laugh, taking the cigarette to his lips. “He is too good for anyone.”

“What do you mean-”

“I know he’s your soulmate." Toast’s eyes locked onto his. "If you make him cry I’ll make sure you live to regret it.”

He scoffed, offended. _As if he were some sort of monster who had come to steal helpless maiden Sykkuno from him_. The way this man was talking about his soulmate made his blood boil. He could understand the protectiveness, but he didn’t like it.

“Look, I don’t care who the fuck you are or what you think you’re doing here.” Corpse snapped, getting all up in his face. “I would never hurt him.”

Toast looked away from him, less angry and more… sad. With something akin to regret. “Take care of him...” Toast trailed off, he looked like he was trying to find the words needed to say something particularly difficult, but Corpse was done.

It bothered him, and he didn’t want to think about what exactly Sykkuno meant to Toast.

His heart was beating fast from the adrenaline of confrontation, and then he entered the bar and saw Sykkuno standing near his friends and his pulse raced even faster for a whole different reason.

They had had such a good time, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Sykkuno was very sweet, holding onto his every word as they walked around the stage like in their own little bubble. Corpse truly, dearly enjoyed the other’s company. 

When it came time for the show he made sure to focus on Sykkuno and his smiling face and his kind eyes. He imagined they were the only two in the room, and he was singing only for him. Crowds were hard, and this was the first time he had sang in front of an audience, but his soulmate’s presence gave him the bravery and confidence he needed. That had always been a constant in his life. Whenever he needed support he could rely on the idea of his soulmate to bring him comfort.

Which is why it hurt so bad when Sykkuno rejected him in front of all the people most important to him. It felt like betrayal. He was at a loss for what to do. Usually thinking of his soulmate brought respite when his life was all but falling to pieces but now… He couldn’t think straight, so close and so far to his beloved. 

Had he been wrong? It had felt so right...

He found himself in some random alleyway, punching the brick wall until his knuckles bled. And then he slid down, onto the filthy floor, and cried like he hadn’t since he was a child.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're slowly working through this together you guys! I know it can be frustrating to have so many sad chapters in a row, but everyone is moving forward trust me  
> Most of the cards are on the table now, this is progress  
> Love you all so much and thank you for your suggestions!

The tension in Sykkuno’s room was so thick it could be cut with a knife. She was desperate to ask him what had happened, if there was anything she could do to help... that he please don’t shut her out when all she wanted was the best for him. But when she asked to talk all he did was bury deeper into his blankets with a sob. She couldn’t really blame him, it had been a difficult day. After Lily had returned to the Funky Monkey, saying she couldn’t find Corpse anywhere and he had probably left, Sykkuno collapsed on Rae as if the strings that had been holding him upright had been cut. She had so many pressing questions, but she wouldn’t force him if he was unwilling to talk. For now all she could do was wait. Her hands combed through his hair until his breathing evened, and at some point in the night she fell into a restless sleep.

Rae woke up way too early, alone, with a crick in her neck and a killer hangover. Sykkuno was nowhere to be found. An empty space remained on his desk where his laptop used to be. She stretched her sore limbs and dragged herself out of his bed. If she was feeling this wretched then she had no idea how he had managed the energy to get up at the asscrack of dawn. 

He wasn’t in the dining hall… or the kitchen… or the bathroom. _Fuck where is he_. After doing a couple laps around the apartment she cautiously knocked on Toast’s door. It took him a while to answer, but he eventually opened the door wide open. 

“Heeeey Toast! Uh… have you seen Sykkuno? I can’t find him…”

“Rae its 7am.” He was all but glowering at her, his hair sticking up in different directions and his eyes puffy. 

Rae pouted a little. “Exactly. He shouldn’t be alone, not after yesterday…”

“He’s probably at the library… he had a project or something.” He pushed past her towards the kitchen, setting to fix himself something to drink. “We baby him too much, he’s a grown man, Rae… he can take care of himself.”

The audacity! Toast had no right to say that when he had happily carried Sykkuno all the way home just the night before. Rae crossed her arms over her chest and Toast lifted an eyebrow at her. Okay fine, maybe she was sulking. That last remark had stung cause if she hadn’t _meddled_ then maybe this whole mess might have been avoided. Maybe it would have been better to leave those two alone after they met and failed to say each other’s words… After all, very out of character for him, Sykkuno had gone ahead and followed him on insta… and they certainly had seemed to be getting cozy at the Funky Monkey. Now... Corpse would be lucky if Sykkuno hadn’t blocked him yet. Syk hated drama and would do his utmost best to ignore conflicts until they went away...

 _Fuck, what have I done_. 

“I can’t help myself Toast! What can I do?!” She plopped down on the couch. “It’s hopeless! Corpse will be lucky if he ever gets to talk to Sykkuno again!”

Toast walked over, handing her some water. She took it gratefully while he sat down across from her. “They’ll figure something out, they’re sou-” 

Rae’s gaze immediately whipped towards Toast, who was biting down on his nervous smile looking very much like a child who had accidentally overshared. Her eyes narrowed. “...What do you mean?”

“I- Rae… it’s not my place to tell…” 

_Not his place to tell,_ Rae’s eyes slowly widened.

 _He lives with Sykkuno_ , she felt like the meme surrounded by math equations.

_He knows something._

“YOU KNOW SOMETHING.” To say that Rae pounced across the coffee table to grab Toast by the front of his shirt would be an understatement. 

“Rae!” She saw the flash of fear in his eyes. “Stop that!”

Reluctantly, she let go. 

Toast was still staring at her with an insufferable smile and he had no right to be so smirky when she felt so much despair.

“Four years ago,” she began, tone suddenly sober. “I saw Sykkuno’s soulmark.”

Toast’s smile fell.

“It fits the song… but when they met Corpse said…” she paused, raking her brain for the exact words he had used. “He said _Hi… Sykkuno_. Syk says they’re not soulmates, but something just doesn’t add up.”

“You think Corpse is under the impression they _are_ soulmates, correct?” 

Rae nodded. “He looked _shattered_. A simple crush wouldn’t do that… Corpse doesn’t seem like the type to care if a casual fling rejects him but…”

“Wait…” Toast frowned. “You knew about the mark so… you tried to get them to meet?”

 _Me and Lily_ … but it would do no good to just shove blame onto Lily when it had been Rae’s idea from the start. “I might have been pushing them a little too hard…”

Toast wouldn’t meet her eyes, and wouldn’t share any more info no matter how much she probed, so they just sat side by side in silence. _Great_ , Rae thought. _Now both of my friends are scared to talk to me_. Toast had actually given her an idea though. It was true, everyone in their friend group treated Sykkuno like his heart was made of glass. But that was far from the truth, he hadn’t shared much about his past but she knew he had endured a lot of shit. 

_Protecting one’s friends is normal… and Rae had tried her best to help but…_ She felt her eyes filling with tears. _She had lied to Sykkuno… a lie by omission is still a lie… and this had gone on for years. And now she was acting behind his back, setting him up a string of events that ended badly for…_ she glanced over at Toast. _Ended badly for everyone involved._

She needed to apologize to Sykkuno, for lying to him, and for not trusting him enough to work through this with Corpse by himself. ...And for failing her promise to keep him company as he worked on his paper.

First she needed a nap though. She returned to her and Poki’s apartment for a quick snooze. Just before falling asleep she texted Sykkuno 

_can I meet u later? need to talk_

Sykkuno was feeling like he had got run over by a garbage truck. He had barely slept a wink the night prior, his mind mulling over the facts over and over and coming back to the exact same conclusion. He was a bad, and selfish friend, and a bad soulmate to whoever had been unlucky enough to get stuck with him. He got up roughly at dawn, not being able to stomach the litany of hurt inside his head, and resolved to go work on his paper. Maths were friendly and objective. If he was focused on maths, then maybe he could get a break from that small voice at the back of his mind that was spouting so much hate.

He had dragged himself to a nearby coffee shop and after three or four shots of espresso he finally felt human enough to start working. Even if every ten minutes or so he glanced morosely over at his phone, wishing Corpse would contact him even if he had no right to ask such a thing. 

But then he got a text from Rae and he turned his phone over so the screen laid against the table.

It wasn’t until a couple hours later that he felt brave enough to text her back. 

Rae arrived at the coffee shop shortly before noon, disheveled and frazzled. Sykkuno had been busy working on his paper so he didn’t notice until she sat right across from him, a venti latte in hand. He smiled at her and asked how she was feeling, but she cut to the chase. There was no sense in dragging this out further. 

“I need to apologize to you.” Sykkuno looked confused but Rae continued. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise… I should have helped you write your paper-”

“Rae, that’s okay! Please don’t worry about it, if that’s what this is about…”

“No… I just wanted to get it out of the way first…” She took a deep breath, idly toying with the cardboard sleeve of her drink. “There’s no easy way to say this… I lied to you.”

The hurt in Sykkuno’s eyes was immediate. Rae felt a pang of remorse but it was too late to back up now when the ball was already rolling. “I know it’s shitty, I broke your trust… and if after this you want to cut me off I’ll understand, but please…“

The pit of her stomach was quickly filling with dread. “Do you remember the week we met there was a party? Freshman year of college, we got really drunk…”

Sykkuno frowned and nodded. 

“I saw your wrist uncovered.” _it was an accident_ , she desperately wanted to add, _I didn’t mean to!_ This wasn’t about her and redemption, this was about him and finally laying out all the cards on the table. Sykkuno’s eyes slowly widened as he processed the implications of Rae’s words.

“Why…” his voice sounded strained. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was hoping to avoid this conversation…” Rae smiled bitterly. 

“Why now?” He made to pull his arms against his chest but Rae was having none of it. She lunged over, pressing his right wrist against the table none too gently. 

“Corpse said your words, didn’t he?” There was urgency in her voice. She looked right up into Sykkuno’s eyes as they filled with tears.

“Yes but… he’s not-”

“What was the first thing you heard him say?” she was expecting him to repeat the words he had said some days ago, at Lily’s… but instead...

“The first time… it was Michael’s song…” He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “He said my words but Rae! It can’t be him!”

Adrenaline coursed through her body as her suspicions had finally been confirmed. It was true then, those two were soulmates. Rae hadn’t realized she was squeezing him hard until her grip slackened and Sykkuno pulled his hand back, rubbing at his wrist. His gaze was fixed on the table. 

A tear slid down his cheek, then another.

“He’s your soulmate… Syk please! I don’t know why you’re so in denial about it…” Her heart clenched as he wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. She sighed, frustrated. “I’m sorry for being so pushy, but I really think you should give Corpse a chance!”

“I… Please, not now… I really need to write my paper and-” his voice broke in a sob. Rae wanted so bad to hold him and tell him everything would be alright, that they would work through it all together but… she felt she no longer had the right. 

Sykkuno would never tell her to fuck off. Instead, he shoved his laptop and a notepad into his black drawstring back and left in a hurry. 

Rae was left sitting alone with a half empty lukewarm latte and too many regrets.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter feels a bit off, it wasn't easy to write  
> I didn't wanna write an unrealistic portrayal of mental health  
> Dealing with trauma is hard and sometimes it's not possible to do a full recovery entirely on your own, some people can need extra help  
> Getting it from a professional is completely valid! Please never be afraid to ask for help  
> Love you all and thank you guys so much for your support for this story

Upon returning home from the coffee shop, Sykkuno broke down. He barely made it as far as his room, the stress of the past few days had been too much… coupled with what he considered grave betrayal from one of his closest friends. He sank down on the soft carpet, back pressed against his door. First he lost Corpse, now he lost Rae… It had taken a huge effort to hold himself together and make it out of the coffee shop with his dignity intact, when he wanted nothing more than to scream how could she do that to him, how could she betray his trust like that… 

On the verge of a mental breakdown, he whipped out his phone. His hands were shaking so bad he almost dropped it several times as he muted everyone he knew… he really needed some time for himself if he was to keep his sanity. He was never a frequent user of social media, so he only had a few profiles to delete or set on private. His friends were always complaining about getting left on read anyway, so it’s not like there would be anyone to miss him… well, except… There was one thing that had to be done, and it would suck. He had been reluctant to do it at first, finger hovering over the confirmation prompt for far too long, but it was a necessary step. As Rae had feared, he blocked Corpse on insta.

He had always been a firm believer in out of sight, out of mind. If he ignored his problems long enough, they would eventually disappear. His teachers had always told him to ignore his bullies, to hide his pain… and it worked for him, as unhealthy as it might be. If he pretended nothing had happened then everything would be alright. He cried himself dry then slept away the rest of that Saturday.

On Sunday he poured himself into his project to the best of his ability as his mind was scattered all over the place. He barely managed to finish it before the Monday 7am deadline, submitting it to the student portal then going right to bed.

Spiralling thoughts wouldn’t let him sleep, he spent hours looking morosely at the cracked paint of his ceiling.

It would be okay if he skipped classes for one day.

Then one day turned into two.

Toast at first had respected his decision, not pushing him into social interaction. Usually Sykkuno had been the one to prepare their meals, as Toast was an atrocious cook, and they had made a habit of eating together. Now that he locked himself in his room, the only times they interacted was when Toast ordered postmates and left some food at his door. But even his patience had a limit. 

“Syk, this isn’t okay!” He would first knock, then bang on the door. “Come out and talk to me… please…”

On the third day he finally let Toast in.

Sykkuno had dreaded having to explain his behaviour now that so much time had passed and it filled him with anxiety to even consider what his friends would think about him now. He had been so selfish, just dropping off the face of the Earth to avoid facing his problems. But then he took one look at his friend's face and everything came crashing down on him again. His actions had consequences, and Toast looked so worried… He couldn't even imagine what Lily could be feeling… or Rae… or _Corpse_. It wasn't a pleasant chat, but they reached a conclusion together: he needed therapy. There was a lot of pain in his heart that should get professional help, and that was okay. There was a chance he might never get fully over it, and that was also okay. Isolation helped him realize how much he hated loneliness, how badly he feared abandonment and rejection… How much he relied on other people for self validation and happiness.

It was far from an immediate change in him. The therapist could only see him on Saturdays, so he still had to survive a couple days on his own.

 _Not on his own, he remembered_ Toast's words. _You'll always have us._

One by one he unmuted everyone. Their messages of support were endearing but he felt overwhelmed… he couldn't possibly reply to all of them. He read their heartfelt words though, thankful to have met such amazing people that promised to always have his back. One part of him felt silly for having reacted in such a way, but then he remembered what the therapist had told him over the phone when he booked an appointment: his feelings were valid, and asking for help if he needed it was not and would never be shameful.

When he got to Rae’s convo and saw the string of texts she sent him he cried again. She had been worried sick and it showed. He didn’t feel brave enough to talk to her yet, her actions had hurt him quite a bit… bit he could see she was really sorry about everything and had hopefully learned from the experience. 

Lily had sent him very kind voice messages. She apologized for her part in the whole ordeal, then told him a very personal story. He had never asked how she and Michael had met, he knew they had an age gap but didn’t feel it was his place to pry. The revelation that they weren’t soulmates hit him like a ton of bricks. Up to that point he had never considered the possibility… that not being with the person that was _destined_ for you was even an option. But he had seen the way Lily and Michael interacted, how they seemed just made for each other… so he always assumed… 

She opened her heart to him, telling him how she had once met her soulmate but he wasn’t a good person. Her voice wavered, like she was holding back tears, but she carried on for his sake. Her soulmate had hurt her like no one else had, so fate could go fuck itself if it thought they would stay together and weather the storm. Rather than being tied to someone toxic she chose to follow her heart. Michael had been a friend of her younger brother’s, he hadn’t met his soulmate yet but he had never really cared about those things. He held her head above water when she went through the darkest times in her life, and even if they hadn’t developed romantic feelings for each other they had great chemistry and their relationship would always be special. 

_“You don’t have to feel pressured to be with your soulmate, Sykkuno… You are allowed to love who you love.”_

The final thing she sent him was a video. It was due to get released the following week, she said. She begged that he take a look at it and not show anyone, cause it was something no one else was supposed to know.

Curiosity piqued, he opened it.

He was immediately greeted with a short clip of Lily and Michael smiling wide, standing next to Corpse who, despite the black face mask he wore, looked awfully happy. They were all holding a $10,000 check, a banner above their heads read _Congratulations, winners KIIS FM 2020!_

Sykkuno felt his heart stop. The next scene showed the three of them sitting opposite an interviewer, who congratulated them profusely. Sykkuno didn’t quite register what the interviewer had asked them, he was fixated on their outfits… they were the same as the short clip… and the same as last Friday. The realization hit him, it must have been taken just before their gig at the Funky Monkey. Lily’s voice broke his reverie.

 _“Michael and I worked on the music, the lyrics were all Corpse!”_ She laughed and her eyes crinkled a bit, as she held her boyfriend’s hand in hers. _“We knew we had to get him on board when we first heard his songs!”_

When the interviewer asked what the song was about he gave a very short answer, so Michael had to take over. He talked about pop culture or whatever until the interviewer seemed satisfied. Sykkuno noticed most questions were answered by Michael and Lily, Corpse seemed to prefer just listening and being there for his friends, not necessarily as the center of attention.

Then the interviewer asked him what inspired him the most to create music, and a spark shone in his eyes.

_“My soulmate is my muse, I’m very glad I got to meet him… he’s the best person I know. I hope he’s doing okay, I hope nothing bad ever happens to him-”_

Michael elbowed him and his eyes opened wide, then he shut his mouth. Michael made a quick jab about _gross gushing_ and _don’t mind him_ , then hurriedly changed the topic, but Sykkuno wasn’t listening anymore.

He replayed the scene until his phone screen dimmed from low battery. His ears weren’t deceiving him, Corpse had really said _that…_ he closed the video and buried his face in his hands as regret washed over him. 

Was he really in denial? He had agreed to therapy, to overcome his trauma and abandonment fears… And he had recently decided he’d be okay if he entered a happy relationship with someone who wasn’t his soulmate… But he hadn’t considered maybe he could have his cake and eat it too.

If he hadn’t ruined it by now, that was.

Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself. Unblocking Corpse was easy, opening up their convo wasn’t.

He had to be brave, though, he owed him that much at the very least.

_hi mr corpse!_

_i'm sorry for being gone for so long_

_could we talk?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter! Thank you so much for your support and love always <3 <3 <3  
> Since both options were pretty tied I went for a bit of a mix!
> 
> Speaking about options, this story is nearing the end so I've just started a new one! It might have the same voting mechanic as this one so stay tuned <3

The acute sense of loss kept him up at night. Everything he had ever wanted, his one wish, all gone in the span of a few hours. He still couldn’t even believe he had met his soulmate, for crying out loud! And now he had lost him... Corpse should have seen it coming, really, he was never meant to be that happy. Bad things happened when he was happy. It was only natural that his soulmate would reject him, of course. Who would ever want to be stuck with someone like him… He didn’t deserve to be loved, he wasn’t special enough by any means.

He entreated the thought of shutting himself in his studio for a few days, but quickly found the pressure of staying within the confines of four walls to be suffocating. Instead he took to spending as much time as he could outside, alone with his thoughts.

What did he do wrong? He had never been gentle or careful, but he had really tried his darndest to treat Sykkuno with the love and devotion he deserved. Had he offended him, or hurt him in some way? He couldn’t stop thinking about that day, over and over until he felt himself grow sick with anxiety. Worried that the other was hurting, reluctant to accept that this could really be the end for them… dreading the very thought of having to be alone for the rest of his life. The idea of being with anyone that wasn’t his intended left a bitter taste in his mouth, after so many nights spent wishing for their presence as a balm that would heal all his wounds.

When he noticed Sykkuno had blocked him on instagram his heart broke all over again. That was it, huh? The final nail in the coffin. He just wanted to see him one last time and ask why, even if it was selfish to seek closure… 

Lily messaged him a couple times asking him if he was okay, if they could hang out, but he had no energy left to even move from his spot sitting under a bridge. He wanted to stay there for eternity, to sink into the gravel and just disappear. 

If he was to keep clinging to the faint chance that his soulm- _Sykkuno_ would ever reach out and at least reject him properly… then there was nothing he could do but wait.

He eventually returned home shivering from the cold, hungry, body sore all over and heart numb.

Food tasted bland, he lost joy in writing music, he didn’t even feel like drinking, none of his favourite songs were appealing anymore and he hated it. He hated feeling so helpless and so insecure. But he couldn’t bring himself to feel resentful towards _him_ . He was not a cruel person… he _had_ to have had a reason for shutting him out like that. As much as his chest ached he refused to feel anything but hope that the other was okay, that he was healthy, and that when he felt ready he would reach out again.

Sykkuno wouldn’t just ghost him, he was better than that.

Part of him wanted to take a sick day on Monday, but he didn’t have any left. Deciding the distraction might do him some good, he went to work anyway. It was clear he wasn’t alright, though. His coworkers tried asking if he needed help with anything, but he didn’t feel like sharing. Days went by in a blur, barely living… the monotony absorbed him now that his light was gone.

And then one night, out of the blue, his phone pinged with a push notification that made his heart race.

_could we talk?_

His hands trembled as he stared at his phone in disbelief. Was this a joke? He opened the message and sure enough, it was Sykkuno. He really had just texted him…

Relief washed over him, overjoyed at the prospect of being given a second chance. Then a cold fear took hold of his heart. What if Sykkuno had unblocked him only to make it clear they weren’t meant to be? Dread crept inside his chest, tainting his feelings. Part of him wanted to wait and see if Sykkuno would send a follow up text but… he desperately wanted to know what he wanted to _talk_ about.

He didn’t even know what to say. Conversation used to flow easily between them, but now he felt he could ruin everything if he said the wrong thing.

Eventually he settled for a simple, harmless _hello Sykkuno :)_

Sykkuno hadn’t expected the other to text him back so fast. He rolled over onto his back, phone resting on his chest. Fuck, now what? He hadn’t planned this far ahead. Doubt lingered in his mind, what if it was all a joke? What if Corpse would just want to be friends? Did he even want to go beyond friendship with Corpse? He ran his hands through his hair. Rae thought they were soulmates… and Lily… and Toast… and probably Michael too. All of them had arrived to the same conclusion… Sykkuno had always been deathly afraid of rejection, but more than anything, he absolutely despised hurting his friends. He hated when people dear to him sacrificed themselves for his sake.

The events of the past few days played on his mind like a movie. Everything, from his friends’ meddling, the way Corpse treated him… how he reacted when Sykkuno said what he said that Friday night… This was a lot to take on, but he could tell his feelings had changed. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but he was getting there and he was willing to move forward.

The seen label haunted Corpse. Sykkuno had opened their convo and wasn’t replying and it was making him so, so nervous. He was about to go into the kitchen and drink a glass of wine or three when three dots appeared next to Syk’s icon, taunting him.

Then a little message popped up and Corpse decided he really needed a drink. Sykkuno had just asked if he could maybe visit him or call him. 

He desperately wanted to agree. Having Sykkuno at his home felt like a dream come true... but it was late at night and very cold... and he didn’t know if Syk had a car. He told Sykkuno so and the other man told him it was okay, not to worry about him! They could just have a call if that’s what Corpse preferred.

Corpse probably should have given himself some time to relax and come to terms with his emotions, but he needed to hear the other’s voice like he needed air. To know already what it was that Sykkuno wanted so badly to talk about. So he agreed to the phone call. It felt surreal, finally getting Sykkuno’s number… getting to put a little heart emoji next to his name... He couldn’t help but feel that this high would come crashing down all of a sudden as soon as Sykkuno picked up.

But it didn’t. He greeted him with a smile in his voice and Corpse found himself tongue tied. He wanted so badly to scream _I’ve missed you so much. Please don’t leave me…_ but nothing came out. He had repeated the lines he was gonna say so many times in his head but now he was drawing a blank. 

“Uhh… Corpse, are you okay?” Sykkuno sounded worried and Corpse was overwhelmed with emotion. If he was worried, then that was good, right?

He hung up the call, and before Sykkuno got the wrong idea he wrote a quick message.

_sorry, dunno what came over me..._

_could we just text?_

Sykkuno smiled fondly at his phone. He was feeling extremely nervous, but the fact the other man seemed anxious as well comforted him slightly. He wanted to reach out and soothe his worry, tell him that it was going to be alright, that they would have a long chat and see where they stood... but some things were better said in person.

He had originally wanted to wait until after his appointment with the therapist to see Corpse, but he had a feeling the other man couldn’t wait any longer. He was resolved to do right by him, he owed him that much. This was a good man with a warm heart who thought of him even at the lowest of moments.

He removed his wrist cover, taking a long, hard look at his soul mark. His heart beat warm inside his chest. For once in his lifetime he felt affection towards his words. Even if they were the first line of a song, even if it would soon be on the radio… maybe those words were meant just for him.

Maybe there wasn’t anyone else out in the world lucky to have a soul mark just like like his.

_wanna meet up tomorrow? then we can talk? :)_

_there’s a park near campus with a really pretty view of the lake_

As an afterthought, he added a final line. It made him a little anxious to display his intentions like that, but he needed to let Corpse know their chat would be friendly, in the very least.

_i’ll buy you hot chocolate <3 _

Corpse’s face hurt from smiling. Did he dare hope this was real? He quickly typed a response before he chickened out of replying.

_with tiny marshmallows?_

This felt like a dream, but Sykkuno was determined. He WAS going to meet Corpse, and he WOULD bring him flowers.

_yes!_

_you’ve got a deal <3 _


End file.
